International Philosophy

This is one of my favourites skit by Monty Python and it's on "Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl". Awesome!



GERMANY
vs.
GREECE

Man: Good afternoon, and welcome to a packed Olympic stadium in Munchen for the second leg of this exciting final. And
here comes the Germans now, led by their skipper "Lobby" Hegel. They must truly be favorites this afternoon. They've
certainly attracted the most attention from the press with their team problems. And let's now see their line-up :

DEUTSCHLAND
1 LEIBNIZ
2 I.KANT
3 HEGEL
4 SCHOPENHAUER
5 SCHELLING
6 BECKENBAUER
7 JASPERS
8 SCHLEGEL
9 WITTGENSTEIN
10 NIETZSCHE
11 HEIDEGGER

Man: The Germans playing 4-2-4, Leibniz in goal, back four Kant, Hegel, Schopenhauer, and Schelling, front runners Schlegel,
Wittgenstein, Nietzsche, and Heidegger, and the midfield duo of Beckenbauer and Jaspers. Beckenbauer obviously a bit of a
surprise there. And here come the Greeks, led off by their veteran centerhalf Herakleitos. Let's look at their team :
GRIECHENLAND
1 PLATO
2 EPIKTET
3 ARISTOTELES
4 SOPHOKLES
5 EMPEDOKLES VON ACRAGA
6 PLOTIN
7 EPIKUR
8 HERAKLIT
9 DERAKLIT
10 SOKRATES
11 ARKIMEDES

Man: As it's expected it's a much more defensive line-up. Plato's in goal, Socrates is a front runner there, and Aristotle as
sweeper. Aristotle, very much the man in form. One surprise is the inclusion of Archimedes. Well, here comes the referee:
Con-Fu-Cu, Confucius and his two linesmen, St. Augustian and St. Thomas Acquinus. And as the two skippers come
together to shake hands we're ready for the start of this very exciting final.. The referee, Mr. Confucius, checks his hand...
Referee's Whistle: [Whistle]
Man: ...and...they're off! Nietzsche and Hegel there, old Jaspers ---- on the outside, Wittgenstein there with him, there's
Beckenbauer, Schelling there, Heidegger covering, Schopenhauer, and now it's the Greeks. Epikuros, we find him number six,
Aristotle, Empedokles and Deraklites, and Demokrites with him, there's Archimedes, Socrates, there he is, Socrates, Socrates
there going through...there's the ball, there's the ball. We'll be bringing you back to this exciting contest the moment anything
interesting happens.

SPORTS UPDATE

Man: Well, there may be no score, but there's certainly no lack of excitement here, as you can see, Nietzsche has just been
booked for arguing with the referee. He accused Confucius of having no free will, and Confucius he say name going book, and
this is Nietszche's third booking in four games.
Whistle: [Phuiiih]
Man: And, oh, that is Karl Marx. Karl Marx is warming up, it looks as if it is going to be a substitution on the German side.
Obviously manager Martin Luther has decided on all-out attack and indeed he must, with only two minutes of the match to
go. But the big question is: Who is going to be replaced? Who is gonna come off? It could be Jaspers, Hegel or Schopenhauer.
But it's Wittgenstein! Wittgenstein ---- only last week! And here's Marx! Let's see if he can put some light in this German
attack. Evidently not. What a shame. Well, now, with just over a minute left, replay on Tuesday looks absolutely vital.
There's Archimedes, and I think he's had an idea!
Archimedes: Heureka!
Man: Archimedes out to Socrates, Socrates back to Archimedes, Archimedes out to Herakleitos, he beat Hegel, Herakleitos is
a little flick, here comes on the bardboard Socrates, Socrates is there! It is in! The Greeks are going... the Greeks are going
mad! The Greeks are going there, Socrates scores, beautiful----the Germans are disputing it! Hegel is arguing that reality is
merely a ---- ethics, Kant by the categoric imperative is holding that ultimologically possessed only in the imagination and
Marx is claiming it was off-side! But Confucius blows the final whistle...it's all over! Germany, having chanced England's
famous midfield trio Vincent, Mogalov in the semifinal, have been beaten by the odd goal! And that's it again! There it is,
Socrates, Socrates heads it in, and Leibniz somehow has no chance! And just look at those delighted Greeks! There they are,
chopper Sokrates, Empedokles, and Deraklites! What a game here! And Epikuros is there, and Sokrates, the captain who
scored what must probably be the most important goal of his career!